Saturday, October 22, 2011

Sex Cookies

So, when I was little, my mommy made cookies. Because she's awesome. Now when you're little, "cookies" is a fairly limited category. There's chocolate chip, and gingerbread men, and sugar cookies. And in my house, oatmeal scotchies, aka oatmeal cookies with butterscotch chips. They were just normal cookies.

Fast forward to last year. I had the afternoon off from rehearsal, so I baked cookies. I mean, what else would I do when rehearsal is canceled? So I whipped up a batch of oatmeal scotchies, no big. I invited a friend from next door over for cookies, and she flipped out. Apparently her mommy didn't make oatmeal scotchies when she was little, so she thought they were the greatest thing ever. But everyone ELSE'S mommy made them, right?

She took a couple home for her roommates. They freaked out too. One asked if I put crack in them, and another declared them to be better than sex. Thus, the name "oatmeal sex crack cookies" came about, later shortened to just "sex cookies."

So I took a poll on facebook, who had ever had/heard of oatmeal scotchies? It exploded, everyone thought they sounded amazing, nobody had heard of them before. Ok fine, so maybe they were just normal in my house.

I've learned that these cookies work like magic. They can make people do anything you want them to, it's a little scary. They can make boys move big, heavy furniture, they can get you out of a rehearsal if you forgot to write a paper, and I'm currently having a horn solo commissioned for a batch of sex cookies. I can imagine the wikipedia article when the piece becomes super famous, everyone will say, "why was he such an idiot to write that for...a batch of cookies?!" Hey, they don't know how good these darn cookies are!

They've inadvertently become my trademark recipe, because of their freakish powers. I was a little nervous about posting the recipe, I mean, once you know THIS recipe, what else do I have to offer you? You know all my secrets! But then again, I got the recipe from the back of the butterscotch chip bag, it's not really a huge secret.

So anyway, here's my deepest, darkest secret, can you still love me after this? Will you still read, knowing that nothing will ever measure up to these cookies?

Oatmeal Scotchies

1 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 cups oatmeal
1 package (11 oz) butterscotch chips

Combine flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon in a small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar, eggs, and vanilla in a large bowl. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in oats and butterscotch chips. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto an ungreased baking sheet.
Bake at 375 for 7 to 8 minutes for chewy cookies, or 9 to 10 minutes for crisp cookies. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes, remove to wire racks to cool completely. Makes about 4 dozen cookies.

1 comment:

  1. one day we must make a combo platter of sex cookies and lemon sunshine death cookies